TOMORROW IS MARCH 3RD 2010

OK, SO TOMORROW REALLY IS THE DAY. AND I HAVEN'T BEEN COUNTING DOWN PROPERLY ABOUT EVERYTHING I WANT BECAUSE I'VE JUST SIMPLY BEEN TOO BUSY, SO I'M JUST GONNA CUT TO THE CHASE. AND BEFORE I DO, I WOULD LIKE TO APPOLOGIZE FOR SUBJECTING EVERYONE TO THIS WHOLE "MY BIRTHDAY IS SO EXCITING BUY ME LOTS OF GIFTS" THING. THAT BEING SAID, FORGET THE EXPENSIVE LEATHER DRESSES, THIS IS WHAT I REALLY WANT. SIZE 4. BESIDES, THEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN.

SHORT AND TIGHT AND MISSING WHOLE BITS

WE'RE AT LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY NOW. I JUST GOT A PRE-BIRTHDAY PRACKAGE FROM MY MOM IN THE MAIL. I HOPE ONE OF THESE SLUTTY, OVERPRICED DRESSES IS IN IT.

JILL STUART 2010

I WANT, I NEED

I DARE ANYTONE TO SAY THAT I DON'T NEED THESE THREE DRESSES. YOU ALL KNOW IT'S TRUE. SO PLEASE RUN, DON'T WALK, TO YOUR NEAREST DOLCE AND GABBANA, AKRIS, AND HANNAH MARSHALL RETAILERS AND BUY THEM FOR ME. I PROMISE I'LL WEAR THEM ALL DAY, EVERYDAY FOREVER.

PHOTOS: PAOLA KUDACKI FOR VOGUE GERMANY MARCH 2010. MODEL IS MARIACARLA BOSCANO.

T MINUS 11

THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES. ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY. SO TO KEEP UP WITH MY PROMISE TO MAKE AN ABSURD LIST OF THINGS I WANT THAT I WON'T GET, HERE IS IS: I WANT THIS!! SECOND ONLY TO MY LOVE OF LEATHER IS MY LOVE OF ALL THINGS MISMATCHED. YES, THIS MEANS THAT WHEN I DON'T LOOK LIKE A TRUCK-STOP DOMINATRIX, I LOOK LIKE A MENTALLY UNBALANCED BAG LADY. BUT IN THE WORDS OF THE BRILLIANT JOY BEHAR: "WHO CARES? SO WHAT?"

PHOTO BY MAX FARAGO FOR AMERICAN ELLE MARCH 2010. STYLING BY CAMILLE BIDAULT-WADDINGTON.

DENIM UNDERWEAR WITH CHAINS...CHECK!!!

I'VE DECIDED I'M GOING TO DO THE COUNTDOWN TO MY BIRTHDAY BY POSTING THINGS I WANT. IT'S POSSIBLE THAT I'M TOTALLY LOSING MY MIND, BECAUSE I WANT THIS OUTFIT. SOMETIMES I THINK IF I HAD BEEN BORN A FEW YEARS EARLIER, I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE MOVIE HEAVY METAL PARKING LOT. NOW THIS BEING SAID, PLEASE NO ONE BUY ME THIS OUTFIT!!! IT WOULD LOOK LIKE RUBBISH ON ME.

PIN ME UP, PIN ME DOWN

MY DAD ASKED ME TO FIND HIM SOME COOL PIN UPS FOR AN INVITATION HE'S MAKING FOR HIS FRIEND'S 60TH BIRTHDAY PARTY. I'M GOING TO IGNORE THE HARSH REALITY THAT MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN A MONTH AND I HAVE YET TO EVEN MAKE A PLAN, WHILE APPARENTLY MY DAD AND HIS BUDDIES ARE ORCHESTRATING SOME HUGE TITILLATING BASH. ALAS, I MUST RE-EVALUATE MY SOCIAL LIFE YET AGAIN. BUT UNTIL I DO, HERE ARE SOME OF THE GORGEOUS ALBERTO VARGAS PAINTINGS THAT I FOUND.

GEORGIA KRAL'S CELEBRATION OF HER BIRTH

I WANT THIS

LEATHER LEOTARD AND MUSTANG CONVERTABLE. MY BIRTHDAY IS IN A MONTH.

PHOTO: ANJA RUBIK IN NUMERO #106, SHOT BY CAMILLA AKRANS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOLFIE

TODAY MARKS THE DATE OF WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART'S BIRTH. WHEN I WAS A KID, I WAS COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH THE MOVIE AMADEUS AND SAW IT 23 TIMES (I COUNTED). FURTHERMORE, I WAS MADLY, PASSIONATELY IN LOVE WITH TOM HULCE. IT WAS POINTED OUT TO ME RECENTLY THAT, IN A WAY, SEEING AS MOZART WAS MY FIRST REAL CRUSH, HE IS ACTUALLY THE BASIS FOR ALL OF MY ATTRACTIONS, AND THE ARCHETYPE FOR ALL OF MY RELATIONSHIPS. WHICH IS SO TRUE! I DO LOVE HEAVY-DRINKING, WOMANIZING GENIUSES! OF COURSE THE ONE FLAW WITH THIS THEORY IS THAT SOMEHOW SOMEONE ALWAYS FORGETS TO LEAD ME TO THE ONE'S THAT HAVE THAT GENIUS TRAIT TOO. ON THAT NOTE, TODAY IS ALSO ONE OF MY EX'S BIRTHDAYS. CHEERS! BUT I DIGRESS. I'VE PUT A GREAT MONTAGE FROM THE FILM BELOW, GOD I WISH I COULD'VE FOUND THE NIPPLES OF VENUS SCENE. BUT ALAS. SO HERE'S TO ONE OF THE GREATEST COMPOSERS TO EVER LIVE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!